


Undeserved

by KyloRing



Category: ACOMAF - Fandom, ACOTAR, Nessian - Fandom, acofas, acowar - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/M, Nessian - Freeform, Nightmares, Smut, mature - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-14 18:08:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16917765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyloRing/pseuds/KyloRing
Summary: Nesta’s thoughts and nightmares torment her. Cassian comes to comfort her.





	Undeserved

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So this is my first oneshot and the first time I’ve tried writing something like this. So yeah! I hope you enjoy it!

Insufferable. Nesta had decided then. She turned over in her bed pulling the blankets closer to her chest. Cassian was completely and equivocally insufferable. From the pining, his stupid annoying smirk, his inability to leave her alone when reading, his ability to know exactly when she was reading smut and giving her that look, and his caring. The damned fool actually cared about her. 

_How fucking ridiculous._

She deserved no such devotion. Not after all she had done and didn't do. He was a damned fool. Just another enamored male... something pulled at her insides correcting her. No. 

Scowling she turned over yet again violently adjusting her pillow before settling into it again. Cassian unlike every other male she had shamelessly gotten herself drunk enough to sleep with was not just another needy male. He was not looking for one night or two. 

No.

Nesta had seen the look in his eyes when he gazed at her and it terrified her. The thought of it chilled her to the bone. Something she did not deserve. 

Not the girl that let her little sister go out and hunt and provide.

Not the woman who had sneered at that same sister when she had come back as a fae.

Not the female who had spent months locked up in a massive house on a mountain refusing to so much as speak. 

Not the sister that would rather drink and whore herself into oblivion, because she did not deserve anything more. 

Because maybe, just maybe, if she made herself so unbearable. So miserable. So vile to be around. They would let her fade into that dark abyss. He would forget about her and move on. 

He won't move on.

Cursing quietly she pulled and extra pillow close to her her chest. Damn them both. He couldn't move on. And try as she might she could not move on either, all she could do was cocoon herself in her fear. Fear of loss. 

_I have no regrets in my life but this. That we did not have time. That I did not have time with you Nesta._

A lump caught in her throat as that memory haunted her. As it did every night. Consuming her. 

_I will find you again in the next world- the next life. And we will have that time. I promise._

Quiet stinging tears trickled down her cheeks now a sob aching to escape her lungs. She had covered him. She was going to die for him- with him. But they had survived. They had lived. 

Gods.  
Gods.  
Gods.

They had survived together and she was too afraid. Afraid of the feelings that had overwhelmed her, utterly consumed her, in those moments. The soft kiss he had laid upon her lips in that moment, so different from that curious enthralling one at the house when she had been a mere human. That part of her that Cassian awakened...gods she had never felt that way before and when she had been Made.

Something had snapped deep within her. Linking them both as he crawled on his hands, wings shredded, towards her. Towards his m- 

_Shut up!_

Nesta growled and tightened her grip on the pillow she clung to her chest. She couldn't think about it. Gods if she said it out loud. He was better off without her stupid selfish damning self and she...she was better without him. 

_I promise.  
We will have time._

Pillow soaking up her hot angry tears as they fell the cold darkness of sleep claimed her.

*~*~*

Hours. For hours he had sat atop Nesta's rotting roof waiting for anything. Tonight, unlike so many others, males had not appeared at her door and Nesta had not left. Not once. Not to go to a filthy tavern or to seek meaningless comfort. The general's gut twisted tightly as worry continued to grow within him. Focusing he listened. His wings tucked close against his back as he waited. 

_Damn it Nesta. Come on._

Centuries of training, of conflict, of lovers, and all matter of situations had not prepared him for her. For what he had felt the moment he first laid eyes on the human woman. And when she had been Made, damn him, he could not control that thread that tethered him to her. That bond. Once a weak broken string now a strong pull, pulling him constantly to her. He couldn't stay away from her. Gods knew he had tried to make himself but... 

Screaming. Blood curdling screams came from the window just below him. Heart pounding he unfurled his wings and crashed into her bedroom rolling to his feet. 

Nesta.  
Nesta.  
Nesta. 

Cassian's head thrummed as he stared at her as she writhed in her sheets. Black wisps emanating from her. Death. She was death. And he didn't care. Surging forward he shook her shoulders, called her name, but she didn't wake. Instead the nightmare seemed to strengthen and the darkness enveloped the room. Seeping into everything, eating away at the already rotting hovel, except him. A name came screaming off her lips. His name. Cassian! Cassian! Cassian! Over an over the next plea more heartbroken than the last. 

Cassian was sure now that his heart cleaved in two. He scooped her up then holding her tightly to his muscled chest. He placed his head on hers and brushed his lips to her forehead before whispering in her ear. 

"I am here. I am here Nesta." His thumb traced her jawline as he spoke. "I am here." 

He repeated his words over and over again until the darkness subsided and red sore eyes looked up at him. He half expected her to push him away but to his surprise Nesta nestled her head into him and closed her eyes with his name on her lips. 

*~*~*

Morning light called her to wake, at least she thought it was morning. Sitting up she stretched and started. Her nightgown was gone, replaced with an oversized shirt, and her hair was carefully braided back. Rubbing her hands over her face she looked around the room. Definitely not hers. 

_Gods above._

Had she had too much to drink yesterday? Well...a lot but not as much as it took to even bring her near the edge of tipsiness. And then she remembered it all. The nightmares. Screaming his name as his wings...oh gods his wings had been shredded. Then strong arms and the beating of wings. Cassian. 

So this must be his room. His home. A place she had never even thought of or seen before. A knot formed in her gut twisting hard. There was not going to be an easy way out this one. Gods what was she going to say to him? What had she said in her sleep. 

Cassian came through the bedroom door a plate of assorted foods and a hot cup of tea in his hands, as if thinking of him had somehow magically summoned the Illyrian general. Of course he would be shirtless with only loose trousers on. She supposed she was to blame for that. Her hands needed something to do suddenly so she clenched them together in her lap, adverting her gaze to the far right corner of the room. 

“I’d assume milady would like something to eat before storming off this morning?” He smirked down at her, his dark hair gathered back into a small bun behind his head. 

She looked at him eyes narrowing as she contemplated which emotion to act on. One that waned to tell him to stay and the other that wanted to run away, far away, but she could not run away from the real problem. She would never be able to escape her worst enemy. 

Herself. 

A lump caught in her throat as she was about to say something, making her forget what exactly she was going to say. Silver began to line her eyes so she looked at her fidgeting flustered hands instead. 

Cassian’s air of sarcasm immediately disappeared as a tear tumbled down her nose and splashed onto her hands. Within a heart beat the tray of goods was set aside and he sat beside her placing a strong arm around her. 

At his touch her entire world halted before everything crashed on her at once. Tears flowed freely as she could not wipe them away fast enough. “I’m sorry. S-so...I’m sorry, so sorry. Damn it.” 

As she wept Cassian began to stroke her back quietly speaking sweet comforting words into her ear. Nesta curled into him bringing her knees close as her head fell into his chest. They just sat there for gods knows how long before her trembling began to slowly subside and her well of tears dried up. Strong arms pulled her closer and onto his lap then as he laid his head atop her then wings enclosed them. Gods his scent was that of the wild mountains, sky, and flying leathers. It intoxicated her. 

“It’s over Nesta.” He said quietly, his voice tender. “It’s over. The war is over. Your suffering is over. I won’t let you go through that again.” 

Shuttering Nesta sighed as she dared to look up at his deep brown eyes. “I don’t deserve any of this.” 

“Yes you do.” 

A knife to the heart would have hurt less. “No. No I don’t Cassian.” Her hands clenched the end of the shirt she was wearing. “I am a terrible person.” 

His jaw tightened at that. “Is it in the past?” 

“Well...”

He raised a single eyebrow at her, waiting. 

“Yes, I guess, but-”

“I’m not finished yet.” He put his forehead against hers. “Live now Nesta, let the past be and learn from it. Nothing good comes from dwelling there.” 

Words escaped her completely and when she tilted her head so that she could look into his eyes again all she felt was peace. All encompassing peace. As if somehow being here with him kept her demons at bay. 

And for the first time since the war, she kissed him gingerly. When she opened her eyes she was met with the stupidest looking grin she had ever seen the male make. 

“What?” She asked mildly offended.

“Oh nothing.” He shrugged. “I was just thinking you were making the I want to desperately make out with Cassian face and then you did.” His stupid lopsided grin widened. 

Nesta rolled her eyes at that before matching his smile with one of her own. Taking a finger she traced the edge of one of his wings. “Oh, is that all I want?” 

Cassian shuddered at the touch and growled under his breath. “You can have whatever you want milady.” 

She traced his other wing from the bottom up all the way to his neck. Unveiling herself she straddled him and tilted his head to the side exposing his neck. Peppering kisses down his neck and along his collar bone as she continued to stroke his wings alternating between the two. When he tried to return the favor she stopped him. 

“Not yet.” A wicked grin laced her lips as she took his mouth, kissing him over and over again with varying degrees of intensity. He parted his lips for her beckoning her to explore. 

His wings relaxed to the side as her hands moved to his hair grasping wherever they landed. She fumbled for the tie that would unleash the rest of his dark locks. Finding it she pulled his hair free and ran her fingers through it. Breaking apart from him she continued her work on his wings testing each fold, each crevice, to find the most sensitive spots. 

Breathless moans escaped his lips and she worked, she could feel the effect of her exploration beneath her. His loose trousers now seemed to be filled rather nicely. She grinned. 

Her pause had costed her though as Cassian grasped her and managed to pin her to the bed. The General did not give her time to think before his hands were at work helping her from the shirt that covered most of her body. Deciding he could, in fact, have his turn she finished pulling the garment off and blush at the look he gave her. 

“What’s that look called?” Humor laced her words. 

“It’s the Nesta is the most damned beautiful female I’ve ever seen look.” He kissed her fully on the mouth, she parted her lips for him, as his tongue began to trace the ridges of her mouth his hands began their work.

One on her breast, kneading it softly, and the other ran tantalizingly down her side and thigh. Her breath caught as she moaned into his lips, arching upwards into him. Her own hands raking across the strength of his shoulders. 

As her breasts swelled his thumbed the tip of her nipple before setting to work on its twin, his other hand working its way to the apex of her thigh. 

Gods.  
Gods.  
Gods.

The desire and unbearable need for him grew with each passing moment. Nothing. Nothing had ever, would ever, be this good. As his fingers moved their way high she parted her legs further for him so he would have better access. She knew what he would find there. That wetness that was usually so hard to come by he had summoned with his first touch. And as he found it he moved his lips to her neck, her collar bone, and as his lips found her tight breast his hand found that cluster of nerves and sent her reeling. 

Nesta moaned, her muscles trembled and ached for more. Cassian peppered kisses up and down her core and met her mouth again just as he slipped a finger inside her. Her hips urged him for more as she gasped into his mouth. Meeting every urgent kiss with one of her own. She arched against him as he slid a second finger inside her, stroking her sides and breasts with his free hand before lifting one leg gently over his shoulder plunging deeper into her.

“Cassian.” She gasped as his fingers found what they were looking for. “Please. Cassian. Cassian.” 

He chuckled into her neck. “She can say it!” 

It took all of her strength to tap the top of his head before her hands found the lacing to his pants. Removing his fingers from within her he licked the wetness from his hands. “Someone is happy.” 

She shook her head at that, fingers still working on his damned laces. A lighthearted chuckle was the only response she received as he finished undressing for her. Her eyes wides at the full length of him and then looked at his wings and smiled. 

Hungry eyes met hers and he kissed her forehead, cheeks, and nose. “You’re sure?” His voice was rough and coarse with need, his breaths labored as if he was holding himself back. 

With a smile Nesta cupped his head in her hands and said, “Together.” 

That was all he needed. Wings enclosed around them Cassian kissed her fully as he entered her. He waited a moment giving her time to adjust to the fullness of him. As she did Nesta traces the muscles of his thighs, back, shoulders, and then carefully his wings. He had been sensitive earlier at her touch but now. Gods. He trembled inside her as she traced that one spot on his wing that was the most tender. He moaned into her neck as he began to move slowly, tenderly at first. She moved her hips to meet his every thrust, urging him, demanding more more more. 

As he moved rhythmically he braced his weight on one arm to free the other to work first at her breast and then down her center to her fold. Thumbing that cluster of nerve endings as he moved inside her to the same rhythm. Nesta’s head rolled back, eyes closed as she gasped and moaned at his work. Cassian began to nibble at her shoulder and then worked his way up to her earlobe, tracing the fold of it with his tongue. Her whole body was trembling. 

“Cassian.” She called out his name breathless and desperate. He knew exactly what she wanted. What she needed.

Hurrying his head in her neck he moved faster, stronger, one hand entwined with her own as the other slipped beneath her arching back and lifted her closer to him. Her hand gripped his messy hair tightly as she cried out. Wave after wave after wave of pure ecstasy crashed over them. And in that moment there was nothing that mattered just the two of them. Together. 

When they could both see straight Cassian wrapped his arms around her and rolled over so that she was laying on top of him. Covering her form with his wings.


End file.
